A Blessing And A Curse

 Being beautiful is strange.

I know what it feels like to enter a room and have everyone, both genders look my way. I know what it feels like to know that I look better than most. I know people envy what I have. I also know that being beautiful is a blessing and a curse.
People assume that when one is beautiful, everything is easier. Love, money, success. Perhaps that is true for some. But not for me. I ask for no sympathy. I am quite accustomed to the way I look and am too vain to trade it in if the option were presented. I have wondered if I might have been happier if I was “just pretty.” Not striking. I wonder about it but looks don’t have anything to do with happiness unless you allow it to.
Today I saw a very young woman who is incredibly beautiful. I immediately compared myself to her. I am not so young anymore. I envied her skin tone. I wished that I could turn back the clock. But I also wondered what might be going inside of her beautiful head. Does she think she’s beautiful? Does it make her life easier? If I looked like her, would I be a happier person?
Sometimes my looks have worked against me. I have dated men who felt the need to win my affections like I was Mt. Everest. As soon as they were satisfied and got what they wanted, they left skid marks. I sometimes found out that the next girlfriend they had was “just pretty.”
My beauty has caused me great pain at times. I have been very lonely. Men don’t always approach a beautiful women because they assume she has millions of men after her. The key word here is assume. We all make assumptions and we really should not.
I know my looks are a gift and I don’t think I am better than anyone because of them. They will go away one day and that will be hard for me. I am used to being the beautiful one. But there is a part of me that feels like it will be a relief. My life has been a lesson.
When I was young, I also believed that my looks were going to set me up for happiness, love and success.
I have learned and continue to learn that real happiness has nothing to do with looks and when I take the focus and pressure off of myself, I am more at peace.

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Copyright Ark Stories 2011


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