I Hate My Body!

My next venture!

I am excited. Ever since I have mentioned to people that I wish to collect stories from all kinds of people about how they feel about their body and how it relates to the self, I have received such positive feedback and encouragement.

I wish to give you an idea of what I am looking for and share a little about myself.

I have always been tall. When I was young, I was chubby. I wore thick glasses and didn’t care AT ALL about the way I looked. In fact, I remember as a kid, looking down at the rolls in my belly and not liking it, so my antidote was to just look away. And it worked until I was thirteen.

In the eighth grade, I went on my first diet and went from 5’8, 168 lbs. to 6ft, 125 lbs. in one year. The shift was dramatic. I had blossomed but still wore the thick glasses. People started noticing that under the glasses, I was a pretty girl and I was often told I should be a model. I remember watching a movie with Daryl Hannah titled Paper Dolls in which an unknown girl was discovered as a model and quickly rose to fame. I was bitten by the bug. My experience at modeling was short lived. I never modeled but I took some classes and I hated it. I went back to just being a kid and I am grateful now that was my path. I think the modeling world is brutal on women and will be writing posts now and again on this subject.

When I was twenty-one, I decided that I wanted to pursue a career in acting. I did experience some success. I appeared on Days Of Our Lives for over seven years and had a few small parts in various other programs. During the time I acted, I was VERY HARD on myself about my physical appearance. I battled mild to moderate acne and I was never skinny. I have large bones (I really do) so if I got too thin, I looked…wrong. I was almost always bigger than everyone, including the men. It caused me to really hate myself. I compared my body to other actresses who fit into a size zero and I always came up the loser.

I starved myself for a decade. I ate but not enough. I found tricks to curb my appetite, like drinking coffee or eating big bowls of fruit. That doesn’t sound terrible but I really didn’t eat enough food. Despite my drastic efforts, I never achieved the body I so longed for. I enjoyed pursuing an acting career but I battled daily with how I looked.

Once I  decided to leave the industry and focus on a normal life as a sales rep, my body image was tamed. I felt a bit more secure in my own skin and if I got a terrible zit, it wasn’t the end of the world. I can’t say that I liked it but it didn’t destroy me.

In my twenties, I read every beauty magazine, every month. I know that did a number on my self esteem too. They have done studies that prove women feel badly about themselves after reading these publications. How could they not? On one page, you see an article on how to lose ten pounds in a week, turn the page you read how you should love yourself the way you are. Next to that is an ad with an anorexic model who has been altered to appear even thinner. It’s MADDENING to me and I want to make a dent in this terrible message. I don’t expect to change the world but I do have plans.

Now that I am quickly approaching forty-three, I have found some sense of acceptance but will always fight the urge to put myself down. I realize this is hard for some people to understand. I am a beautiful woman. (It is even hard for me to just write that without making sure you understand how hard it really is for me to say that). People have assumed my entire life, that things have been easy for me because of my looks. On the contrary, I have struggled and now as I age and will lose my youthful appearance within the next five to ten years, I am trying to find a way to grow old(er) gracefully. I know I will look back on my life with all of my insecurities and see what an idiot I was not to recognize what I had when I had it.

This has been a passionate subject for me and I have always wanted to approach it. It is only now, that in creating “reality books” that I have discovered the perfect forum to tackle it. I never wish to preach or try to tell anyone how they should think or feel. We are all individuals. I think we can learn and benefit from reading other people’s experiences as well as be entertained.

This blog will be a safe haven where anybody can submit their credited or anonymous story and perhaps help others by sharing the ups and downs of how your looks dictate how you feel about yourself (or not).  Arkstories.com  will provide you with all you need to tell your story and I look forward to reading each and every one.

Submit Your Story Here: http://arkstories.com/bodyimageblog.html

Thanks! Kimberley

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Joslyn Corvis
    Apr 08, 2013 @ 01:32:37

    I feel the same when reading Cosmo! “How to Look Thinner in 10 Minutes,” “Lose Weight Before Bikini Season,” and “Try These Flab-Busting Moves!” Then you flip a page and it’s…”Feel Sexy in Your Own Skin.” I’m glad you’re addressing this all too important but disregarded issue.

    ~JC

    Reply

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